Let me introduce myself, I'm Betty Lou Thelma Liz Walker (nee Luckenbach, yes, I married down), but most of you probably know me as just the crazy cafeteria lady from the U-Turn, Alabama, junior high. Don't kids give us the darnedest names? I'm here today to offer my full support to Will Ainsworth in his try for lieutenant governor.
Why, you may ask? Well, first and certainly foremost, Mr. Will has promised that we'll all get our own Kalashnikofs to keep things in line. My nephew Tobe Hooper Luckenbach is a touch on the simple side, but he does a great job as the school janitor and he just calls them AK-47s. Whatever you call them, every school worker should have one.
Just let me see one of those rowdy transfers from Brooks try to break in my lunch line again. I actually dream about how wonderful it will be. So everyone get down to the polls on June 5th and vote for Will. Or whatever he's changing his name to. I hear it may be "Ivan."
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Betty Lou Thelma Liz's endorsement aside, we're certainly not endorsing Will Ainsworth. In fact, we're not comfortable endorsing anyone in this race. Shoalanda herself is leaning toward Twinkle Cavanaugh, but we ask that you do your own research and vote for the most reputable, sane candidate. The operative word there being sane, which rules out Will "Ivan" Ainsworth.
