REPUBLIHED BY POPULAR REQUEST
ORIGINAL PUBLICATION DATE 8/27/12
Once again, Miss Shoalanda thought I was the only one who could do justice to Quittney LaShae Nichols' tale of woe. I'll do my best, but I'm bettin' there's a lot to the story that nobody knows. First I'm postin' the three most recent mug shots of lil Quittney. The photographer at the Florence Detention Center can sure take some great shots. I wish we had used him for lil Rebbie Sue's wedding. I bet Rebbie would also like to know the brand of eyeliner Quittney uses--all those drugs and alcohol and police interrogations and it still holds up. Must be Maybelline.
Well, it seems last Friday lil Quittney was in a car and wouldn't get out so the owner could sell it. Guess some women are just more stubborn than others. So bein' the determined gal she is, she pinned the car's buyer to his mother's Impala with the Volvo and then dragged him out into the street. I think there may be a job for that girl in one of these travelin' demolition derbies--once she gets out, of course. Seems she's on the most wanted list in Marion County too.
Lil Quittney didn't live too far from the scene of the accident, as we'll call it, but the police haven't been able to find her. I think they checked everywhere from Jack's Chicken Shack to Goat Alley and she was nowhere to be found. Now I guess it's just a matter of time until one of her friends turns her in.
I've been asked if I know where the name Quittney comes from. To be honest I don't, but I have got my ideas. I remember my cousin Lonzo and his wife had ten kids. That didn't stop ol' Lon from getting frisky, so one night his wife told him to quit or he'd get her knee. I'm guessing lil Quittney may be the youngest in her family.
That's it for now, but if you live near Dog Ear, be sure to drop by to see me for all your automotive and septic tank needs.
Bubba Leroy Smuckpucker II
*****
The most recent reports on Quittney Nichols' victim Randall Powers list him in serious condition in Huntsville Hospital. Everyone here wishes Mr. Powers a speedy recovery.
Shoalanda